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8.3 Whining to follow … read at your own risk

October 4, 2010

You’ve been warned, this is a post I should not be writing.  But it is my thoughts over the last few weeks.

And yes, it is whining thoughts, and no, not a plea to get people to comment – now.

So stop reading if you can’t stand whining, self pity, jealousy, or otherwise non quilting stuff.  Will be back later with more quilty goodness. Bye. 🙂 

I love getting the chance to connect with people on my blog, and my podcast.  I love the shout outs because as a listener I was just tickled pink when it happened to me. 

I’d be grocery shopping or heading to work and I would hear my name on a comment that I made on someone else’s blog and I would get all excited and have this warm feeling – that I was making a difference – that I was saying something positive that other people were liking.

Which made me push myself to get some episodes of my own podcast done.

I realize this podcast/blog is niche.  Very niche due to the ‘scientific nature’ – which as you have well seen, has been almost absent lately as I talk about ‘general ideas’ that apply to scientists and mathematicians.

I’ve been trying to consider my audience.  Knowing that an active part of my audience does not like/enjoy/know/care about the science or the math, trying to ‘stick to quilting’, quilting shows, quilting books, quilting artists, because that’s what they’ve vocally said they’ve wanted from me.

I do also know I have a niche group of people who have expressed their appreciation for the sciency side as well.  These folks are really appreciated.

I appreciate the time it takes to reach out and comment – I really do.  Not that I do a lot of it on my own.  But I DO read blogs, I do enjoy reading blogs. 

But always from my blog reader, and that makes it a tiny bit harder to comment because of the act of opening the blog to make the comment on.

And here’s the real whining.  I hear other podcasters get like 20 comments and comments each weekly episode.  And I love my 3-5 people who comment, I really really really really do.

But it makes it hard to want to keep going if I keep delivering things that people aren’t connecting with. 

But at the same time I champion the fact that my podcast/blog is so unique, so niche, that I am bringing new ideas, thoughts, ways to explore things to others.

Perhaps if I went to weekly episodes, I may get more comments, but with all the post production that I do – that I enjoy doing – there’d be no hours in a day for this.

I had a discussion with a ‘podcaster’ several months ago, and she didn’t understand why I constantly announce the things I am going to do.  So I stopped.  And we kept talking about being able to change, or not be able to change. 

I honestly believe with all my heart/head, that I will not be able to change the core self-esteem issues I have had since I was a very very little girl.

I remember the books on the warm fuzzie thoughts and thoughts about ‘being good enough’ all the way back from when I was 4 – 5.  I remember relating to the low self-esteem puppet Grover on Seseme Street.

And ultimately this is what my whining is about.  My lack of self-esteem, my lack of getting out there and ‘just doing what I do best’ because I have always had a doubt that whatever that best is, isn’t good enough.

And I also think I can’t stop announcing my self-esteem issues either.  Which is what this post is about.  Sigh.

I have another podcast idea that keeps floating back to me over and over, so I know it’s the time to do this idea next.  Because something in me can’t let go of this idea.

But its another idea/science podcast.  No tips, tricks, interviews (not that I would do those anyway), craft books, techniques … but a unique and genuine idea about quilting.

Anyway, I thought I’d share.  Stay tuned for another left brained quilting idea.

… oh and if any of the podcasters who have fallen off the face of the earth would like to come back … I would really appreciate it.  Really.  I miss my Jennifer/Annie/Toni/Marcelli/AnneMarie/Michelle podcasts.  That’s all for today.  Thanks.

11 comments

  1. I can understand how you feel – I don’t get many comments on my blog, so each and every one I get makes me happy.

    In all honesty, I don’t listen to most of your podcasts – I just don’t have the time at the moment because I’m SO busy, but I really enjoy reading your blog posts. However, I only comment when I have something constructive to say, but I’m here reading each of them.

    And I’m definitely one of the people who enjoys the sciency side of it – but then I’m a bit of a geek like that.


  2. Your podcast is definitely different from all the others. I do listen, but must admit that sometimes I find my mind wandering. I think some of the science stuff goes over my head a bit. But that doesn’t mean you should change or stop doing it the way you do. I for one will continue to listen 🙂


  3. I normally listen to podcasts while commuting and have good intentions of posting comments – but once I get home, well… life happens and I rarely follow through on my good intentions. I LOVE your podcast because it makes me THINK! I am not the sharpest needle in the pincushion – but as long as I try to understand things that stretch my mind and challenge my brain, I am bound to pick up something that I otherwise would not have known. Your creative ideas are unique. I just wish that work did not take up so much of my life and I would have more time for projects. You have inspired me in so many ways.
    Keep in mind that you are an inspiration. You may feel like a niche podcaster – the world would be a very boring and bland place without the people like you who are willing to share your “niche”.
    Keep smiling, keep thinking, and please keep podcasting. My commute is enriched by your podcasts!


  4. I’m one of those long-time listeners but this is the first time commenting. Please don’t let the number of comments get you down. I’m sure that you have more listeners than you realize and (like myself) have never commented, I’m sorry for that.

    I enjoy your podcast and blog very much. The scientific niche is very unique and very you, you shouldn’t change a thing. Yes, the majority of your audience is the “general quilting population,” but for a math geek like me, you’re making a great difference with your podcast style.

    Jane


  5. Do what makes you happy. If you are happy, it will come through in your podcast, blog, or whatever. People will either like it or they won’t, but if you are happy – who cares.

    I listen when I can and I enjoy the sciency stuff and the quilty stuff. You do have a very unique podcast, but that is what I like about your show. There a many resources besides podcasts for how to applique, tips on quilting, book reviews and the like. You provide a very specialized and unique service. If anyone else is providing something similar in either a blog, podcast or book, I haven’t found it yet.

    So chin up! Record when you can, but don’t beat yourself up for not recording if you don’t feel like it. This is suppose to be fun! If it’s not fun, how can you be happy doing it?


  6. Hey you…don’t you dare stop podcasting! And, thanks for encouraging those who have taken a break to come back…I love ALL the quilty podcasts…and I love yours…it makes me think. You are a very deep, and very smart girl…and the podcast world would be missing something if you were to stop…so please don’t!


  7. Darla, keep up your pod casts in the fashion that you would like them to be and in a manner that feels comfortable to you. I do listen to your pod casts but don’t always comment, perhaps I should jump in more but I don’t…

    Since I am a visual person I get a lot out of your end product. After listening to your pod casts I look at you podcast notes on the blog and love what you have put together or what you are working on.

    You make some very beautiful and very complex quilts! You put a lot of thought, planning and detail into your projects. You get left-handed, right-brained, visual, people like me looking at something from an entirely new approach.


  8. Darla, even your whiny podcasts / blog entries make me smile. I enjoy your podcasts, especially the scientific angle. But, don’t worry about doing a non-scientific topic now and then – I’ll listen to those too. I don’t think you should change to weekly episodes. You do put a lot of research and work into each episode, and I appreciate that.

    Keep up the good work.

    And I miss those other podcasters too.

    Colleen


  9. I’ve only recently stumbled upon your podcasts and I really like it… As both a quilter and an engineer… but been so busy, that today is the first time I’ve even made it to your blog! And that said, I too read most of my blogs through a reader, so don’t always comment.

    Hope you keep podcasting!


  10. Darla, I tried to come up with the right words here, but it’s not working. So I’m probably not going to get this right. You have a perspective that’s unique. It’s a big undertaking to convince the general public that science and math are understandable. Do what makes you feel good about your efforts. Comments are really nice, but aren’t the all. You are a brave soul to dare to be different, to offer a perspective few can. You don’t have to look very far back in the history of science to know that those who dare to put forward the different persepctive aren’t always appreciated for it. Hang in there and do what makes you happiest.


  11. Your self-esteem issues? If you believe you can’t, you are right. I used to follow the rules, be what people wanted to be when finally I figured out that I don’t want to meet my maker and He says, “Why were you not Rebecca?”



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