8.4 An apology

October 10, 2010

Okay, I realize that last weekend I wasn’t really fair to you guys.

I feel a little ‘sheepish’ this week.

Thank you to all the wonderful souls who came to my silly jealous/self-pity aid, and assured me that I need to do what I want to do and what makes me happy.

I can’t believe that I stooped so low to gain attention that I scared everyone about a potential end to podcasting. 

I never intended it to sound that way, but as a lot of people said that I can’t (or shouldn’t) stop doing what I am doing.  Sorry to scare all of you guys.

I was feeling frustrated, very jealous, and wanted a little bit of cheerleading.  Actually the response was what I needed. So thanks for that!

… really… Thanks.

I have heard that artists naturally go through highs and lows, times when things feel really great, and times when things are not looking so great.

That moment that you start to doubt yourself.  Or for me, a lot of time that you doubt yourself.

A strong sense of ‘self’ was never anything I ever felt I had.  Confidence is the number one thing that people have been wanting me to have professionally. 

And boy it would be nice if I didn’t second guess myself all the time too.

But as Frances says of the Off-Kilter Quilt, that conversation could start to feel tiring after a while – always coming to an artist’s aid like that.

I try to keep my doubt away, but it keeps coming back.  I don’t really mind sharing it with you (sometimes) because there are others who may have similar doubts.

… other news …

This weekend I was busy – not at podcasting – sorry – but at a quilt top finish.  Next post, I’ll put up some details about it.

For now – huzzah!  And don’t fall off your horse like this gentleman did at the Ren Fest last weekend.

Honestly, the guy fell off the horse when riding out of the gate.  They had to redress the hostess’s horse for the knight so he could joust. 

A good lesson of getting back on the horse. 

It was a good amount of entertainment for a day. I recommend taking yourself completely away from reality for a while.  We kind of need it at times.

Speaking of which, I have to practice going to war with computer civilizations and make my own knights.

One comment

  1. Not a pity party at all it was more like a ‘hello, is there anybody out there?’. for all the wonderful work you do, you are more than allowed to ask that.

    Sometimes, throw out a ‘hey gang, feeling a bit low’ too. We are out here, and happy to support you – but if you don’t ask, how do we know you need a boost – like everyone does, you know!

    And stop beating yourself up for very human frailty, ok? SOmetimes, i read blogs and feel inadequate next to all the amazing achievements everyone else has, or how together they seem to be. Actually, most of us are full of doubts and fears too…”A fellow feeling makes us wonderous kind” – and feeling low, and doubting, and self esteem issues are endemic in this often lonely hard scary world.

    The wonderful thing is, you have this Internet thingy, and we are all here on it too with you:)

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